|
Post by M&M&M on Mar 2, 2017 10:10:07 GMT
I'm just glad you kept Steiner's personality down to the 't'. Poor John tho, stuck between the pain of his family and life's direction. I demand you ship him and Ashley at once to amend this! They make a good team ^^
The introductions of the kobolds creates a nice new page for the story, but it would be nice to see some visual description of some of the 'important' characters like the elder kobold and Daphne. I imagine the princess to be perky looking =P
Heh, still, I'd say this is a good continuation of the story if I do say so myself. At least your patience with your writing allowed you to find the best way to keep it going. I'll sacrifice a few virgins to the literature god so you'd get some inspiration to get the next one coming faster!
|
|
greysky
Trident
How do you do, fellow commoners?
Posts: 131
|
Post by greysky on Mar 6, 2017 15:06:13 GMT
Do you mean Misty? Cause, you know, that might be a thing. :3
Yeah, the kobolds could use some work. They'll appear more, but for now they were just there to advance the plot. So it wasn't just another game-y dungeon to fight through.
John's part has reached the end of the "set up" phase. And things should flow more quickly and get more interesting for here on out. Ashley's is almost done. This next chapter with her should wrap that up. I'll work on that in between oggling Link's half naked body in Breath Of The Wild. :9
Thanks for your continued interest.
|
|
greysky
Trident
How do you do, fellow commoners?
Posts: 131
|
Post by greysky on Jun 15, 2017 1:44:53 GMT
|
|
|
Post by M&M&M on Jun 16, 2017 8:45:06 GMT
Yissssss
Could you remind us all what your definition of 'Dapper' is within this story? It's been a while sincer I read your story and the only definition i know is the real life one meaning 'cool cat' or something. Could be wrong...
I do like how you are creating a new history for the Burmecian race; like how the 1st generation would bury their dead in catacombs with and as warrior statues. Even the event itself gives more personality to main characters; specially poor poor John. =P
And yay for the return of the kobolds and character developement! Tho I have to say it's a bit of a let-down since Daphne seems a bit generic in personality and didn't get alot of speak time. I expected some quirkiness you'd normally see what kobolds these days. You browse /trash/, you know what I mean! >;]
At least the drama is good and delicious. All in all, good job per usual! Your gold star sticker is in the mail. ^^
|
|
greysky
Trident
How do you do, fellow commoners?
Posts: 131
|
Post by greysky on Jun 16, 2017 12:20:35 GMT
I was waiting for somebody to ask that. :3 Dapper and piper are both slang terms.
Dapper, or dapper rat, normally is a term for a domesticated pet rat. It's used as slang for a Burmecian that is sexually attracted to humans.
Piper, or pied piper is from the old folktale "the pied piper of hamelin" a guy that led all the rats away from a town with a magic flute. It's slang for a human that's sexually attracted to burmecians.
The kobolds weren't really in this chapter at all. Although in hindsight some should watch the play to get a historic recap. They'll be back to tempt my trash knights sooner or later.
One annoying thing of note is that when the characters are reenacting the burmecians scene and the backdrop starts to fall, the font was supposed to be smaller. I.E.
"You're wasting your time. Help. Rats can sense an earthquake coming. Help...."
"The two of you are mere insects against me. Wait. Why does Beatrix say two?"
But the font size doesn't change in ff.net or ao3 so it looks kinda off.
Thanks. I'll try to keep up the momentum.
|
|
DentonClone
Chatty Burmecian
The Oracle Would Like to Know Your Favorite Color
Posts: 220
|
Post by DentonClone on Jul 11, 2017 7:27:24 GMT
Whoah, seven chapters? I'll need to set aside some time and give this a read!
|
|