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Post by kazen on Sept 29, 2009 23:00:43 GMT
I'm currently working on a walkthrough/commentary of Final Fantasy 9. Although it's not your typical walkthrough; one of the things I focus on, is playing the game with only Freya alive in the party. Currently I'm at the end of the second disk.
Can post the first couple chapters, although I'd have to warn you: The commentary I sprinkle throughout is very blunt, candid and at times, angry.
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Post by M&M&M on Sept 29, 2009 23:54:15 GMT
Oh this I gotta see...
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Hade
Cheerful, Slightly Damp Burmecian
I have a bendy ruler.
Posts: 333
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Post by Hade on Sept 30, 2009 1:29:31 GMT
The angrier the better!
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Post by kazen on Sept 30, 2009 7:25:50 GMT
Posted here is the introduction, which consists of the disclaimer, initial impressions of the game, and playable character review. Will later post the first actual chapter. Again, very opinionated and candid! Attachments:
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Post by Robshi on Sept 30, 2009 12:16:00 GMT
Error! I can't open that for some reason...Can't you just post the text here?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2009 17:03:08 GMT
Oy vey... Do I have to do EVERYTHING? PDF version... ANYONE (even robshi) can open that! =P Attachments:
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Post by kazen on Sept 30, 2009 17:08:52 GMT
I was going to do that, but thanks, eheh. I totally forgot I was using OpenOffice's format
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Post by Robshi on Sept 30, 2009 22:52:16 GMT
Wow...you really hate most of the FF9 cast...I actually like the other FF9 characters. Also, I hate pdf...always makes my com freeze...
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Post by kazen on Oct 3, 2009 0:50:23 GMT
Chapter 1! Unfortunately, I cannot create PDF's, so I'll just post the entirety of it, here.
Part 1: A Royal Pain in the...
During the intro credits, you first will witness a stormy sea. And there is, a dingy being tossed about the set for The Perfect Storm, and on it...a little kid. Oh noes! And some other cloaked lady that looks just like her. Then, all of a sudden, we cut into a cushy little palace room with some poor pampered little wen-oh, it's just Garnet. Either she was daydreaming, or somebody is suffering lithium withdrawal. My money's on the latter. She gets up to look at pretty birds out her window, which pans out to a scenic view of *cough* Alexandria. Then we're shown a bunch of seagulls flying escort formation around a picturesque airship. One thing I do enjoy, is steam-punky airships, yessir. After skimming around it, we're brought inside this flying cabin. And, duh-duh-duh, Koko's grand entrance down his stripper pole. From within the next room, we begin interactivity. Walk the monkey-man to the center of the room, and light the candle. Then, name Zidane however you wish. Afterward, he's joined by three other characters, Blank, Marcus and Cinna. All three are temporarily playable, but really aren't that special. They're all thieves, like our 'intrepid' protagonist, and as such have the Steal command. Blank is fairly competent, but I kind of question his wardrobe. Marcus is average, and doesn't seem to have a whole lot of personality. Cinna is a total puss, and looks like some kind of mutant bearded lady. No sooner do you meet these guys, than are you presented with a fight, already! A big burly dude with a long dragon head hops down to do battle. I must honestly say, I like this game's standard battle theme. He's ridiculously easy, half the time he stumbles and misses. Have Cinna and Marcus Steal a potion/wrist (Vivi will need that later) and the other two beat him up until the mask comes off.
Oh come on guys, that wasn't worth losing breath over. After they suffer a few coronaries, we follow Baku into his planning room. What is Baku, anyway? A kangaroo, with a pig snout? Odd. As we watch the big tough guy playing around with his models and dolls, we hear them talking about their grand scheme. Is it just me, or do neither of those dolls look anything like what they're supposed to? Anyway. Oh wow, another FMV. I must have missed the previews, I didn't know I was watching a movie. This time we're treated to an urban scene, populated by colorful folks, and...Vivi! He looks upward in understandable awe as our thieving buddies come cruising overhead in their airship. Oo, that's a pretty bird lady. *Ahem. * Anyway, we get a closer look at Alexandria Castle, and the great big...sword in it. I think the architect was compensating for something. Then pan out, and, ding! The game formally introduces itself. Final Fantasy IX. Whoopee. Afterward, we gain control of Vivi in the streets of Alexandria, being swamped by crowds charging northward, to the big theatrical scene we were told about earlier. Go ahead and equip Vivi with the Wrist you stole from Baku earlier. There are numerous houses you can get into along the way, and when a '!' marker appears overhead, you can grab stuff. Which for now, usually consists of potions, and handfuls of gil. Ah, Vivi, swiftly starting down the dark, twisting and treacherous path of home robbery. I already love you. He also will be intercepted by an obnoxious little rat kid. You'll get to know him better in the future. For the moment, head north, to what appears to be the town square. Talk to the booth with the sheep/lion dude in the center, and he'll break the news that your ticket is bogus. After many woeful sighs, in some vague attempt at compensation, sheep/lion-dude hands Vivi some playing cards. Pah, what a jip. You can't even sell those things, and 9's card game is a complete waste of time. You can practice if you like, especially since you must win a bunch of matches later on. There is a jump roping mini game you can play with the kids nearby, but we're going to steer clear of that. Head west, trip and get yelled at by the guy with the sign. Yeah, screw you too, buddy. When rat-kid shows up again, swallow your pride and be his slave. He'll lead you south, to a church. After a moogle conks Vivi on the head, he'll tell you all about saving, tents and junk. After rat-kid somehow climbs up the ladder with another ladder in his hand (he's a tough little bugger.), we'll meet Stiltzkin. A moogle that, for once does not spout 'Kupo!' with every sentence, and sells you awesome stuff every so often. Follow rat-kid up to the rooftops, across treacherous planks, until he asks your name. Enter anything you like, then he'll introduce himself as Puck. Afterward, make your way north, but don't forget other pickups on the rooftops. Already people are beginning to fear Vivi's reign of terror, and in a futile attempt to preserve their wealth, have begun stashing it in their chimneys. Or, maybe not... Here we have yet another FMV. Some serious time lapse, nighttime already over the castle and airship. Aw, looks like Vivi and his new ratty friend get to see it, after all. ...What the HELL is THAT?! Augh! This must be, the...the queen? I think I'm gonna, I gotta be right back...
*violent hurling, and splattering noises* Ugh...my body may have been cleansed, but...my eyes, dear god, my eyes! They have been forever tainted...
Apparently this, giant humanoid pimple is somehow mother to the otherwise normal looking princess, who is having herself a nice trip to la-la land. For once, I don't blame her. I'd be spending every waking moment trying not to be aware of that...thing in her place. Apparently the only person to notice is Steiner, who is wearing his best mascara for the occasion. Looking sharp there, pal. Meanwhile, The Blob does this disgusting, wobbly fat-dance of excitement during the fireworks. What a hell of a way to ruin a perfectly good show. Euugh. Ignoring that... The play begins in earnest, everybody taking their roles, and acting out this fairly average play. You'll shortly run into another tutorial battle, again against Baku in costume, and his aardvark sidekicks. In this battle, you get an ability called SFX, which just casts flashy animations that do nothing, so go ahead and skip them. This is just as easy as the previous one, but you can't even steal in this one. Once that's done with, you'll shortly enter another, actually kindof fun mini game, in a choreographed sword fight with Blank. Push the button he tells you to, and eventually it'll end, and if you did good enough, the nobles will shower you with praise, and gil. I've never been able to get a perfect score... After that's done, Monkey Bone and Blank beat up some Alexandrians (Yay) and steal their clothes. After Blank's done complaining, go into the castle chambers, and watch the union of two numbskulls. Aww, isn't it sweet? Once they've had their disgusting moment, we meet...the Wonder Twins. Zorn and Thorn, blathering redundantly about finding Garnet. Fear not, unlike almost every other villain in this game, they get what's coming to them. Once their idiotic scene is over, we meet...Beatrix. I'll save my thoughts on her, for when they're in proper context. For now, she merely annoys Steiner. And, we're treated to another sight of Queen Pustule. Why Squaresoft, why are you punishing us? Once you've named Steiner, we're afterward introduced to his posse of idiots, the Knights of Pluto. After he scolds them uselessly, we now have control of the noisy knight. As much as it pains me to say it, go back to the balcony and speak with Queen Blob. She gives you a Silk Shirt if you do. At this point is another mini-game, where if you find all the Pluto Knights, you get an Elixir. Since I dont know where they all are, we're going to get on with the plot. Head north, back to where we started, and north again to a larger room with a hideous portrait of Queen Triple Chin. Down a second flight of stairs, and south to the outside. Then to the left alongside the river, into another building. Once you head up, and practice calisthenics climbing the many flights of stairs, you reach the top. Time for, yet another FMV. Here we witness an absurd recreation of Tarzan and His Mate. After Garnet attempts to disrupt the band, follow her into the airship. Talk to Dolly Parton-er, Ruby, and follow Garnet downstairs. After the 'revelation' of Garnet's identity, we're shipped down to the engine room. Head on out to the left, and prepare for yet another battle, this time with Sir Rustbucket himself. This is just like the previous battles, ending cinematically without an XP reward. Bleah, ah well, not like I was looking to empower Koko here, anyway. Afterward, we resume our regularly scheduled Theatrical scenes. During which, our intrepid group of party crashers make an unscripted arrival onto the stage. After much not-really-tear-jerking improv, Vivi is chased onto the stage, until he decides enough is enough, and shoots a fireball at his pursuers, also catching Garnet's robe ablaze. I knew you had it in you, Vivi! You go! After some more revelations, we get to beat on Steiner a second time, this time with his posse of slackers. We won't be gaining XP for a little while longer, but we do get to see Vivi in action for the first time. His cohorts, in true loser fashion, run away after a hit or two. Once Rusty falls again, with our cover blown it's time to skedaddle. Baku cranks the airship's creaky engines, and in yet another FMV, we make our, well, certainly spirited attempt to escape. Sowing the seeds of confusion in the audience, this makes Queen Twinkies throw a conniption, and in what no doubt is a shot of irony, tie down the ship with harpoons, then have a Bomb monster shot at us. If there's one thing that can be said about this tub of lard, is that she is thorough. Enter...another fight with Steiner! Although there's really no point to this, other than passing time until the Bomb detonates. Once it does, the Buena-I mean, Prima Vista goes up in flamey glory, we get to watch Queen Pustule get pissed off despite it, which is a small, but joyous victory.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2009 8:55:02 GMT
*laughs at your lack of experience throughout chapter 1* ohohohoho.
Lol, I kid. xD I personally wouldn't use this walkthrough as I don't agree with all the cynicism, but that doesn't stop other people using it ^^
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Post by Robshi on Oct 4, 2009 22:33:46 GMT
Um...if you do get a perfect score in the sword fight minigame, Brahne will give you a Moonstone instead of a Silk Shirt...I actually think the Silk Shirt is one of the least valuable prizes you can get. You must really suck at that minigame!
This is pretty funny, but not really a good walkthrough.
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Post by kazen on Oct 5, 2009 7:22:43 GMT
Well, I did point out I could never get a perfect score on that minigame. And, well, like I said in the disclaimer, this isn't meant to be a really detailed walkthrough of absolutely everything, because there are already a number of those.
And, just to note, I usually get like 90-something in the swordfight game. The lowest you can get from her is an Ether, then an Elixir, then a Silk Shirt, then the Moonstone. Now if you want me to add that to this, that's cool.
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Post by kazen on Oct 11, 2009 5:51:10 GMT
Chapter 2!
Unfortunately, our victory is short lived, as we're finally ending the tutorial segment, and about to crash headlong into:
Part 2: The Giant Shop of Horrors After the cutscene, we're presented with Queen Blob spattering some cryptic, foreboding nonsense about an experiment to the Wonder Twins Heckel and Jeckel, who drop a hint at genuine motives. Meanwhile, in what apparently is Alexandria's national forest preserve, Monkey Bone recovers from his unsuccessful suicide attempt-er, jump from the flamey wreck. Yeah, we're fucked. As Zidane hops his way down, Cinna the bearded lady will grumble about the airship crushing the Princess. Unfortunately we're not that lucky, Cinna. After some further dialogue, we're introduced to the ATE, or Active Time Event. Basically a side plot event describing stuff going on elsewhere, that's only sometimes relevant to current events. Other times, we may as well see a parade of circus dogs rolling beach balls through Times Square. This particular one, hints at what wacky hijinks Vivi and Her Shallowness have gotten themselves into. Once you have control of Zippy the monkey, head south, through an empty log. From here, we officially are introduced to the Evil Forest, and into our first real random encounters, woo! We'll be level 99 noob-stomping machines in no time! Or...maybe not. For the time being, go ahead and level him up a bit, because later on we'll fight a boss that he alone must defeat. Phooey. Once that's done, continue to the right, into the next screen. Hey, we saw this place earlier! And we have a new planty-friend to play with, who also, in true villain fashion, has kidnapped the princess. Kidnapping Tally: 2. After some dialogue, we have a pseudo boss battle. Called the Prison Cage, this battle again holds your hand for a portion of it, and is quite easy. At the beginning, we are introduced to Trance. I spoke earlier of Trance, and this portion explains it pretty well. Ugh, no Zidane! Keep your clothes on! I really did not need to see you half naked once you start glowing. Regardless of how much the Chimp's lack of dress may offend you, use the 'Dyne' ability, 'Free Energy' (Don't ask, I don't know either.) a couple times and the villainous houseplant will beat a hasty retreat with princess in tow. Don't let this fool you, however. Because no sooner does it disappear, than does it drop in and abduct Vivi. Now, the actual battle begins in earnest. This time, Vivi will attack his captor from the inside, like a badass. But it will also absorb health from him, and if his HP gets too low, toss him a potion. But this battle isn't particularly difficult, so this shouldn't be an issue. Once the deranged topiary expires, we're awarded with 3 AP. Which made this our first semi-boss battle. Get used to not getting a lick of XP from boss battles, this entire game is like that. Afterward, we join the wrecking crew back on the remains of the Vista, where Nurse Blank is tending his patients. After more dialogue with Rusty pining with the Garnet doll, we get to watch Monkey Bone argue with his boss about rescuing everyone's favorite abductee from the Arboretum of Doom. Once you have control of Zidane, take the Bronze Gloves from the chest beside Baku. In the next screen, we get the awesome privilege of watching more ATE's about Dolly Parton, and Cinna's slightly bizarre obsession with dolls. Afterward, go down the stairs, and to the right. Chat it up with Vivi to cheer him up, then grab the Ether in the chest, and steal somebody's handful of gil from their top bunk. That's our Zidane, flattering the children one minute, stealing from his comrades the next. After leaving the room, we get to watch a flashback of the disgustingly sugary union of these two boneheads again. After that, say 'Go Look For Her.' You can do the smart thing and say 'Forget it' all you like, the game forces you to be the monkey in shining armor. Afterwards, head back downstairs several screens, and to the right where this incredible plan was hatched, and we'll find Baku sleeping on the job. What a lazy sack of oglop crap. Once he's done telling you to fight him over the right to leave, grab the Potion from the chest, and follow him for yet another battle, exactly like all the previous ones you've fought with him. There's nothing of real use for our planned endeavor to steal from him, aside from a Hi Potion if you so desire. Otherwise just beat the tar out of him like every time before. Once that's over with, go upstairs and save Rusty from himself, before he spirals out of control. After he joins, go back into his prison and snag the Ether, then back to Vivi's room and recruit his kickass assistance. We also will be hinted of Magic Sword, Steiner and Vivi's co-op ability. Now, we have an actual chance of getting out of this Secret Garden from Hell. Head on out, then get some fitting insults, and probably unnecessary advice from Blank. Go ahead and equip Steiner with the Beast, Bug and Bird Killer abilities. Vivi has none yet, and Zidane's are useless. The chest beside Blank has another Leather Hat, as well. Once outside, you can buy/sell items with Cinna, so it's a good idea to grab some Phoenix Downs, and Potions. Afterwards, save with the moogle, and the Mognet option also gives you a letter from Ruby. Now that that's all done and over with, we soldier forth, and retrace our steps back to where the boss battle took place earlier. We'll also see an ATE with a song that should be familiar to anyone who's played Final Fantasy 7, heh. For the time being, continue to allow Zidane to level, I suggest he be at least level 9-10 for the solo boss he will face. At any rate, continue north until you meet another moogle binging on spring water. Once the pointless ATE has finished, check out why that little moogle is so addicted to that stuff. Total HP/MP restoration, not bad. Once that's done, talk to the moogle hiding his shame, and deliver the letter. Afterwards, save, and trek onwardly. Continue to roam about the next screen, encountering baddies and levelling up as necessary. Go back to the previous screen for free total healing, when needed. Use Vivi's Fire spell liberally, most everything here is weak to it. Once everyone is at least level 5 or above, continue north to have a foreboding introduction to Audrey II- I mean, the end level boss. Once you meet it, after brief dialogue, get ready to feed-I mean, fight: Plant Brain. This baddie is your first true taste of a boss battle, although this still doesn't make him particularly dangerous. Keep feeding him fireballs from Vivi's gloves, as well as Steiner's Magic Sword. Beware of the Thunder, and Blind attacks, though by now you should have a few Eye Drops on hand. Fortunately neither of your party's magic attacks are influenced by Blindness, so it really isn't necessary. After you beat on it enough, Blank will show up to lend his sword, not that you needed the help. But, this is the last time he's available as a party member, so go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts. With your stitched-friend on the scene, this battle will go even faster. Once the evil poinsettia falls, you're awarded 5 AP. Woopee. After some more dialogue, we're brought to the chase scene. Although, at this screen, if you stay put, the little *cough* rosebud buggers will keep coming, which is a perfect opportunity to begin power leveling Vivi. It's really quite easy at this point, simply torch each encounter with fire spells, once you've finished putting down all the other party members. This way, Vivi gets every ounce of well deserved experience. Your biggest problem will be replenishing his MP, as he hasn't learned Osmose yet. You should have a few Ethers on hand, go ahead and use one. Level 8 is usually a good stopping point, as at that point you simply don't get enough experience for how much MP you use. Once you're finished, run for your tail on south! You'll run into a forced encounter, but it'll be no problem. Continue on, and we'll hit some dialogue. Apparently we've pissed off the forest, and they're all gunning for our asses. Afterward, we're treated to an epic FMV of botanical proportions (I'm hating myself now, just so you know before you hit me.). Why is 'Running in the '90's' playing in my head right now? At any rate, Blank will heroically take the hit for us, and chuck his love letter to the Chimp. Zidane goes long, and totally fumbles the touchdown. Afterward, we're treated to yet more enlightened conversation between our favorite cretins, we're treated to an FMV, introducing us to Mogster. This shining example of Moogle brilliance will reiterate basic nonsense that we already know by now. At least the swamp theme is pretty cool. Now that we've had our intelligence properly insulted, Monty gives us a useful key item, the Moogle Flute. This lets us Tent/Save anywhere in the overworld. Speaking of overworld, after some further dialogue, our intrepid party of bold explorers meander their way to:
Next: Part 3: Icy Premonitions
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